I don’t know why I thought coming to my grandmothers house was a good idea. She passed last fall and now my aunts and uncles and cousins are divvying up all her stuff..all the furniture I spent my childhood surrounded by.

I didn’t go to the funeral.
I never grieved.
This is all still fresh to me.
This is my funeral.

I can’t be here,
I’m so far behind
my aunts in this process
Only my mom notices my silence.
This wound,
This bruise busted open
by the flurry of movement,
by the gathering of blood
by la familia
Her living memory, her legacy.

I shouldn’t of come.

Just got into another argument with my mom. This time about the whole Boy Scouts issue and yesterday about abortion, and oh Texas I am tired of you.

How can I remain calm enough to convince her that her thinking is participation in a system that continues to violate women and men and everyone, that the system in society perpetuates violence of all natures?

I’m tired, annoyed, frustrated, and I’ve no energy.

Read More

Someone congratulate me I’ve done nothing all day 

and now I’ve got to take my boyfriend home lest he spoil 

to the fridge with you 

okay but who am I kidding my boyfriend is roasted red pepper hummus

Guys I was the HEB, east coast equivalent to Wegmans, and the grocer bagger boy was cute and made small talk and I panicked and he asked us how we were and I said “yup” (???) and then he asked if we had trouble finding anything and I said “nope” and my face got hot and then I had to leave and I knew I had to sell my soul and already download tumblr app on my phone because I knew I had to tumble this sad story.

I’m 21 and I freak out when a cute 17 year old talks to me in the most normal of situations.

Fuq this man. 

When I graduate I’m going on a trip by myself, to England or to somewhere where it rains a lot,  somewhere I can wander between old book stores and enough cafes to try all kinds of teas and coffees and wear my sweaters and scarves and brood about life and write everyday. 

That’s what I want to do. 

SOMEONE PLZ TELL ME WHY I DON’T LIVE IN BOSTON WHERE THE CHILEAN CONSULATE TAKES ONE DAY TO PROCESS AND GIVE OUT VISAS?! LIKE. WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST GUYS.  

Today was stressful, but it was good. 

• I understand why people who have been away from their families, choose to not visit often. The process of explaining ourselves, the changes in us, well it’s hard and long and jarring. 
• I talked more to Leticia about whatever the hell is going on with me. I told her I wasn’t hurting myself in that way, but in another way, I was and I am…She told me that our bodies speak to us..she suggested moving, and using the crippling mounting anxiety to do something, to write or to run, before I go into a self induced coma. Then re-evaluate all the feels, to start off at a level playing field.
• My brother really upsets me. I’m told it’s to shock me, to anger me and it works. I have to sit there and bite my tongue in my silent anger, I can’t fight with him.
• I am now referring to Laura’s room as the pink prison. 
• I miss my cat. He won’t take me back. 
• Charlotte and I went gallivanting around the city a bit before renting The Hobbit and eating horridly delicious cheese crunchies and doing paper crafts.  
• Also, I hid from my family in a closet today. It was nice. 
• The end, goodnight. 

I’m fifty shades of unhappy right now. 

OH HEY GUYS EVERYTHING IS FINE THEY GOT MY FBI CLEARANCE AND THEY JUST RECEIVED ALL OUR LETTERS OF ACCEPTANCE FROM CATOLICA AND NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET A MEDICAL EXAMINATION AND GET SOME SHOTS AND RUN ALL THESE DOCUMENTS TO THE CLOSEST CONSULATE WHICH IS IN DALLAS OR HOUSTON, SO IT’S BETWEEN 5-7 HOURS AWAY FROM ME, I HAVE TO GET IT ALL IN BEFORE I LEAVE FOR ECUADOR JUNE 13TH. REALLY COOL. I’M SO STRESSED HAPPY

Once your FBI Clearance has been received at SU Abroad, they will be sent to you so that you may apply for your Chilean student visa.

It’s really cool when you realize your FBI clearance was never sent back to you. Now I will go Visa-less because Ecuador is literally in 3 weeks. I can’t do this.