I’m supposed to be resting in preparation for a visit to the only living grandmother I have, the fall semester taking the other two. I should be sleeping, but I can’t. 

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Just looked at my financial aid for next year, looks about the same. Not good, not bad, just yeah. Balls I need to make some money either by shakin my tatas or doing something with a bit more class haha. I’ve been advocating for myself from everything to sock folding to babysitting to gardening, even though I kill every plant I ever look at, oi college.

I’ve had some recent reveletions concerning humans, family, life, etc. in combination with learning new shocking things about my family. Like my grandmas first two kids on my moms side have different fathers than from my mother…my uncle steals from my aunt and my cousin has been stealing from my aunt….and well other things that rock my world. I feel the only way to actually capture what’s been going on, my thoughts and how I see my family blah blah, is to write about it.

I’ve never considered myself a writer…more of a jotter downer….but the movies say “Write about what you know.” Family, well in the end its all we’ve got. I’m going to write our story.

My cousin has multiple men she’s balancing all at once…And she’s 573700873962 times more awkward than me.

Still.

Totes jelly.

• Using bullets because I’m legit like that.
• I go home in roughly 14 days and, I don’t want to. Its like I’m frozen again, but shouldn’t I be ready to go home? I don’t know. I’m afraid of being a guest in my own house. My days up here have been long and unhealthy and sleep deprived but my memories are amazing. 
• I wish I had lost some more weight… 
• I don’t know if I’m ready to face my “friends” at home. My friends up here have become my family, my makeshift family, and I love them dearly. And the reality is, they know me more than my friends at home….and I have to work with that. 
• My bangs are weird.
• I went into a sugar coma earlier today. 

My answer: Because you’re up. Duh.