I have a crazy idea. 

What IF I 

read all 38 articles that I have to read for tomorrow. 
and
get into another class to replace the really hard graduate one I dropped today
and
actually ATTENDED all the parties I got invited to this weekend?

WHAT IF THIS BRINGS ME HAPPINESS?  

On the upside, I didn’t cry in front of Emily today.
This could just be the cold haze. 
-stay tuned.  

• If my grandmother does her annual “Where’s your boyfriend?” thing where my cousin has her trained to look forward to seeing a few Facebooks during the Christmas season, I have a few options on how to respond. A) Go on my feminist box and give her all the reasons why not having a boyfriend at 20 years old doesn’t make me deficient by any means or B) Show her pictures of my gay best friend and I. 
• If my horrid extended family acts up and places odd burdens on me such as telling me bad things about other families, I will stop them before they disclose any information and warn them my opinion shall also be heard because if I’m adult enough to hear it, I am adult enough to have my opinion at least heard if not respected. 
• If my immediate family again launches familial politics on me only adding to the stress I have on myself, again I shall make my opinion known and leave it at that, finding comfort and much more discomfort in the fact that I can’t do anything about it….but trust some things must take their course. 
• If my old high school classmates see me and commence in the awful small talk that people from small cities excel in I’ll suck it up and participate, because when do I ever see them? My real friends know how much I hate that charade but they don’t so I’ll just give them the benefit of the doubt…
• If my cat gives me any back talk for leaving him at home while at college, well too bad I’m going to snuggle him anyways. 

Finals week is so weird. 

Chill because of the zero classes, yet extremely stressful because of the exams and often how much we stress out on how well we might need/want to do, how our futures are hinged on these grades, whether it be study abroad, or financial aid or general happiness with ourselves, because whether or not our parents or professors believe us, we do care. 

eating a poptart because college. 

“Yeah.”

I can’t tell if the knot in my stomach is from stress about all the work I will be doing tonight or if I’m actually just sick; or if I’m making myself sick from all the stress. Probably all in my head.

Activities Include:

• Movies
• Hulu
• Eating*(See Snacks)
• Listening to sad music
• Listening to happy music
• Listening to drunk sorority girl neighbors
• Facebook
• Tumblr

Possible Snacks Include:

• Day Old Chinese Food 
• Easy Mac 
• Butter Lovers Popcorn
• Fruit (Yeah right)
• Other vending machine amenities 

BRING IT ON.

Heyyy Cutesy College Couples,

SHUT UP. 

Thanks. 

Sincerely, 

Everybody else.

My floor is a ghost town. We don’t talk to each other, or acknowledge the others existence except for dear Colleen and Lizzie who I thankfully knew from last year. 

I mean I get that we’re all sophomores, we all have our own friends, but I’ve always been the kind of person who enjoys saying hi to the inhabitants of my surroundings, and maybe that’s just too much to expect out of everyone. 

Dang. (Deh-ng.)

• GPA. 
• Major requirements. 
• Language requirement. 
• Extra-curriculars. 
• Study abroad. 
• Finding a job. 
• Losing weight. 
• Missing my family.
• Not losing my mind. 

These are the things my mind is currently consumed with.

And, I feel ‘bout to explode.

• Using bullets because I’m legit like that.
• I go home in roughly 14 days and, I don’t want to. Its like I’m frozen again, but shouldn’t I be ready to go home? I don’t know. I’m afraid of being a guest in my own house. My days up here have been long and unhealthy and sleep deprived but my memories are amazing. 
• I wish I had lost some more weight… 
• I don’t know if I’m ready to face my “friends” at home. My friends up here have become my family, my makeshift family, and I love them dearly. And the reality is, they know me more than my friends at home….and I have to work with that. 
• My bangs are weird.
• I went into a sugar coma earlier today.