The football players at my school make me feel so confused. I saw a few today and I had a visceral reaction, I wanted to cry and then I got angry and then melancholy. I don’t know what to think.
on the one hand I get really sad when I see them. They are large and intimidating, often loud, often quiet with wandering eyes. I cringe for these guys because I know that a lot of what the university “does” for them isn’t really doing anything for them but using them, running their bodies into the ground so that we can win superficial titles and backings and ultimately popularity. They are physically used that way and it must be lonely and extremely extremely difficult for them.
on the other hand, I hate them. I hate the way they look at me, it makes me uncomfortable how they stare at my body and not my face, I hate how they hit on me when I’m trying to get tea and I hate how they talk about women with each other, many times as nothing more than just a piece of ass. In line today behind me they were talking about girls, and how one guy said he forced a girl to go down on him.
I know they’re real people.I know there must be a real someone inside them, I know they must be real someones somewhere lost in the mock up of masculinity and and a system that is physically taxing/taking years from them….Does that make sense?