Today was brilliant.
At first I was annoyed about being awake, and then checked myself.
Awake, to have a day, that’s a gift all cliche and shizzay.
I saw some of my abroad group and have been reading Conversations with Audre Lorde and it’s been really inspiring and uplifting. I ate some amazing Indian food, went to an art opening at La Casita with Tara, and then we went to Pheobe’s and sat at the bar and drank expensive wine. Also I had an affogato and went to the gym, and then skyped my friend in Istanbul for about an hour. I love you Kim.
ALSO HEY RAHIMA! If you read this I hope I spelled your name correctly, also I told Kim to lie and say that I’m normal…and not weird. Haha, feel free to ask her anything or me, she’s great and I am jealous you have her this semester, she’s my human metronome and she’s such a fantastic person I don’t even know where to begin. Dat girl got my heart.
I think there are levels of consciousness, that to change these consciousnesses is difficult and hard and like growing pains, I can’t decide if it’s more of a peeling back our created/constructed realities or more of a pool that continues to get wider while simultaneously getting deeper. I suppose both could apply. All I know is nothing is linear anymore, with the exception of time.
This brought on by I don’t know what. I also feel like I’m doing so much work for a time that I’ve not yet gotten to yet, pre-mature life work you know? Work for when I’m getting or for when I’ve got my PhD and can actually sit and write about these things, developing my own feminist theories/cultural theories or building off of others, analytic work or whatever I feel like I’ve started it all when I should really just be working on finishing what I’ve started. It’s what I naturally do, and I just want to do it.
My dad has had a beard since before I was born, like I came out the womb and there he was all bearded waiting for his first kid. I literally wouldn’t recognize him without his beard. He has ALWAYS had this beard. This beard is as much apart of him as his nose or his elbow…I’ve NEVER seen him without it in all my 21 years.
So imagine my shock today when I learned he said out of the blue to my mom "You know, I love you. I love you a lot…"
(Meanwhile she’s is slightly freaking out not knowing where this is going or what he’s going to say next…he continues….)
"I just want you to know that I love you so much, that if you asked me to, I’d shave my beard for you."
To which she then confused but appropriately responded with
"You know I love you so much, I would never ask you to shave your beard."
Guys, we all know…beards mean serious bidness.
They got the love, they do, and I know I want this.
I want whatever this is, this true love.
Why? Why we do the things we do? We go through this monotonous daily routine; just going through the motions; we wonder then, why we feel like there’s no point to anything we do.
We want to live. To experience life. And then we just don’t. We ultimately chose the path of monotony.
We don’t know how to chose adventure. And it disheartens me, because we never will.
I guess if I’ve learned anything about well…anything, is that all the memories worth making happen outside my room.
Away from my computer, away from Tumblr and Facebook.
Just out. That’s where it all happens.